ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
