I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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