Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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