One girl and one boy is just not enough.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
