I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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