Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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