Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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