I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
