this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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