There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
