so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
