i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
