my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
