I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
