I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
