Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
