Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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