That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
