omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize