Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
