I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
