I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
