he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
