So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dick very happy bro
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
