Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
