apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
They have beer where we have blood.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize