yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
