i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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