Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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