Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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