then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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