My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
