Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
