Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
