nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
