yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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