I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i now understand why vodka
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
