i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
