His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You took a bar mat shot.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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