pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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