woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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