Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
