Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
