So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
