He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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