she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
