Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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