I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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