So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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