This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
this will be a night to untag.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
