We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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