I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
