Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
