Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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