You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
