i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
