dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
