i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
