Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
