I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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