I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
