She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
