we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
