I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
