The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So much Jack, so little girl.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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