I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
