Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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