You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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