i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
