He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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