I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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