i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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