u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The ass gains better be worth it
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