Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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